What Hurts the Most
by IceRose92
Summary: Paige died two months ago...and Alex still hasn't moved on. Palex.


Disclaimer: I do not own "What Hurts the Most" or Paige and Alex if I owned them they would have never broken up

Summary: Paige died two months ago...and Alex still hasn't moved on.

A/N: You may notice that I love to do the three dot thing (...) and use parenthesis... (oh look!) but if you don't like them...ignore them.

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What Hurts the Most

It was raining...the perfect weather to match how Alex was feeling right now. But, contrary to what someone may think, it wasn't the rain that was bugging the hell out of her. It was the cold, hard fact that Paige was gone. A single tear rolled down Alex's face. She wasn't afraid to cry anymore.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while 

She couldn't hold it in anymore. Her tears ran out in a flood. She sobbed. It upset her so much.

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me 

Paige had died in a car accident. She was crossing an intersection when a drunk driver sped through his red light smashing right into Paige's side. Paige had had extensive internal injuries and there was nothing the doctors could do. Alex was holding Paige's hand the moment she slipped away.

Every now and again (when she was around other people), Alex acted ok...like there was nothing wrong. And it actually fooled everyone...but she knew she wasn't fooling herself...she'd never be able to do that.

There are days every now and again  
I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me 

Alex was enraged when she found out that Jay was the drunk driver. He was going over 100 miles per hour...and the speed limit at the intersection was 55. Alex had to wonder how the impact didn't kill Paige instantly. Jay was taken to jail...no bail.

She and Paige had had a fight just hours before...over something so stupid, Alex couldn't even remember what it was about now. Paige had said "You don't love me, do you?" before storming out. Alex was so stunned she could find the courage to run after her.

Now, Alex wished she would have swallowed her pride and ran after Paige. She wished she would have grabbed Paige and proved just how much she really loved and cared about her. Now Paige would never know.

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do 

It was hard dealing with her death. The pain was unbearable. But she was dealing. She had to so as not to look vulnerable.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it 

She hated forcing that fake smile when she saw Marco or Dylan or any of their other old friends. It was hard for her to even get out of bed and get dressed in the mornings. She had so many regrets...not telling Paige she really loved her...always fighting...not saying goodbye.

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder Getting up  
Getting dressed  
Livin' with this regret 

If she could do it over she would. She wouldn't have walked out. She would have stayed and talked it out. There were so many words left unsaid.

But I know  
If I could do it over  
I would trade  
Give away  
All the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken 

She had been _so _closeyet so far away. There were times since Paige's death that Alex had wondered if Paige really loved her...if she was just one of her charity cases.

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do 

But then she remembers all of the little things. The 69 pieces of paper in Paige's 70 page notebook that had "Alex Nunez" in hearts (Alex admits she had been snooping in Paige's bag). The binder with "Alex 'n Paige 4ever" on the front with little hearts around it and "Palex Always" on the back (That's Alex's binder now...she has it on "display" in her room). The notes passed between their teachers' glances. Holding hands under the tables. Whispering in each other's ear. The small things are what seemed to mean most.

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do 

Alex knows Paige loved her...and she will _always_ love Paige.

Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do

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Good? Bad? Undecided? Please review...tell me what I can do to make it better...It's welcomed.


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